just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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