I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
