Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I enjoy the company of your penis
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
