I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Randomize
