A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
