And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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