She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
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