I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
