a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
