I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
