I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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