i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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