I'd wear matching sweaters with you
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
