Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
i drank out of a bidet.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
