Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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