i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
