lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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