She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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