Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
