So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
