An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
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