There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
