i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
