Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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