It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
