haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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