I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
