you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
