To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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