I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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