i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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