I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
