just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
