I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Boobs are out for the taking
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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