the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Randomize
