I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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