Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
