I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
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