I wanna passion pit in your ass
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
