You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Randomize
