remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
