fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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