WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
