youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Terrible idea I love it
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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