her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
