just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I stole a fireplace last night.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
