I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
