if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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