Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
