I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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